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Dumd S**t I’ve Done in My 20s When it Comes to Love

Mistakes I've made along the way during this past decade in regards to dating & love that I will never do again in my 30s and beyond:

As I always say; you are the problem. I am accountable enough to realize that is true for me in my adult life. While motherhood is the greatest blessing bestowed upon me and reward from God, my burden of single motherhood is a reflection of my sins and stupidity. The pain I carried for years and the poor choices I made out of that pain. Now healed and growing, I vow to never make those same mistakes again. Never the less I am accountable for my actions because if I can admit to being the problem I can also empower myself to be the solution.

All The Dumb S**t I Did

In my 20s I would...

  • Have sex outside of the sanctity of marriage.

  • Waste valuable free time dating for fun instead of using that time to focus on making myself happy.

  • Intercede on the natural consequences on others behalf’s.

  • Lower my standards out of desperation for connection.

  • Slow down my pace of growth out of fear of alienating others.

  • Close myself off so greatly that I create a desperation for connection within myself.

  • Prove my worth/earn love.

  • Entertain men who just didn’t like me that much.

  • Choose bottom barrel men due to black love societal brainwashing and an inner lack of self worth.

  • People please.

  • Step outside of my feminine energy to compensate for a man’s lack of divine masculinity.

  • Participate in flattery in efforts to build up a man’s wounded ego.

  • Accepted bare minimum treatment under the guise of it only being temporary.

  • Think because I am different I will be treated differently than women of their past.

  • Listen to words over actions.

  • Listen to actions over words.

  • Believe a grown man can change out of love or affection for me.

  • Accept worldly shows of love that I know don’t match the unconditional or biblical definition of love that I know to be true.

  • Settle for what I can’t accept in the long run.

  • Force myself to try and cope better with bullshit.

  • View love as an escape route from the struggles of single motherhood.

Things I’ve decided I’m doing differently in my 30s

In my 30s I will practice...

  • Abstaining from sex outside of marriage completely & indefinitely.

  • Refraining from actively dating, perusing love, or marriage. (It’s he who finds a wife not she. I will be sitting down to focus on me).

  • Abstaining from entertaining people who still dance with the devil and don’t wholeheartedly worship and serve God.

  • Abstaining from entertaining men who don’t have a healthy and active committed relationship with God.

  • Abstaining from the urge to save others from their self created messes.

  • Only accepting the presence of equals in my life because lowering the bar for the sake of connection just isn’t worth it.

  • Focusing on my ministry of motherhood joyfully even if it means doing so alone.

  • Protecting my peace above all means. Peace is not something I am willing to trade even temporarily.

  • Holding firmly to my standards even if it means being completely alone for extended periods of time.

  • Remaining open to what God has for me but not taking the lead.

  • Being open to dating other races outside of my own should they approach me because I refuse to continue to be a martyr in the name of black love.

  • Focusing on building the life of my dreams for me and my kids now, not when the right person shows up.

  • Participating in aligned communities to fulfill my connection needs.

  • Having more gratitude for where I am at currently in my journey.

  • Not listening to pop culture or worldly opinions on love and dating from anyone.

  • Exercising a high level of self discipline above all else.

  • Working on my relational skills within my platonic relationships more.

  • Accepting whatever God has for me instead of trying to force my will to prove my worth to others.

  • Being accountable for my sins and accepting the consequences of my choices unassailably.

Here’s to knowing better and doing better. To embracing life to the fullest, being content with where I’m at, and shedding all fears. Cheers to my most stable, centered, clear headed self yet. 🥂

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