The insight on life gained from a day down by the river.
"What a microcosm for my life, change arrives unexpectedly but I panic and flee. The first instinct is to reject it in fear of it touching me."
Recently I drove to my favorite nature spot for a quick smoke and relax session. The day was warm and cloudy, it rained on and off, the perfect day to hotbox the car. I have been going through a depression lately as my body moves to heal its old and deep wounds. I always run to nature when lost or confused, when happy or sad it always provides me with refuge. As I arrived at my destination I parked in my usual spot. With the forest to my rear and the river to my front, I proceeded to turn my engine off and roll-up. I pushed my seat back and kick off my shoes to get comfortable. I rolled down my window to catch the warm breeze and smell of the freshly watered forest. It had just rained and I paused to admire the way the water droplets look like glitter on the tree leaves as the sunlight peeks through. God bless. A moment of pure peace. As I finish rolling my jay I notice a dragon fly enter my car. I begin to panic, while I know dragonflies are harmless, the intrusion of my space starts to trigger me. My anxiety kicks in and I find myself frantically trying to nudge it out of my car without harming it.
I rush out of my car in a frenzy.
Away from the trigger to my panic my intuition peeks. Every trigger is simply a call to investigate. I pulled out my phone and googled “the meaning of a dragonfly?”
Change. A symbol of beautiful change on its way.
What a microcosm for my life, change arrives unexpectedly but I panic and flee. The first instinct is to reject it in fear of it touching me.
I took a deep breath and got back in my car. What harm is a dragonfly to me? I sit down and spark the jay.
A long inhale of smoke fills my lung.
As I exhale I feel the anxiety leave. Sativa smoke fills the air and dances in the light.
“Change is inevitable and change is what I want but I reject it because I am scared.” In order to accept the blessing I first need to stop panicking.
Inhale again. Open the car door for some more air. The dragonfly sits calmly now on the dashboard to my Honda Accord. I look at it as it looks at me. At this moment I feel a bit of harmony as we sit still and calm in each other company.
Exhale again, release, I think to myself “I have to be still right now to accept the change coming to me, even if I feel the anxiety.”
I always feel uneasy when I feel something coming from the spirit realm. My anxiety often causes me to rush to figure it out when the truth is I just need to sit and be still allowing the wisdom to enter me in preparation. Still moments overwhelm me when my intuition is on high alert but giving into the stillness of the present and allowing God's infinite wisdom to come to me, will ultimately always bring me clarity.
We are all now in a time where there is a call to embrace change and soften ourselves to Its flow. Become flexible and ride the wave.