Your single season is an important time for you to embrace yourself and become whole in yourself. A shift in perspective to help you capitalized on your single season.
I was compelled to write this blog post due to my own past struggles with my perspective on singledom. Throughout my 20's I have struggled with codependency, a hard habit to break. As I reflect on where I am today and how far I have come, I notice that breaking the cycle of codependency in my life when it came to dating called for a massive shift in my perspective on being single. In my relationships, #codependency popped up in toxic and abusive manifestations. At the same time, in my dating life, it manifested in manufactured feelings, a habit that compelled me to hop from one relationship to the next. Letting go of the fear of being alone and gradually learning how to practice #selflove & focus on me, I have gained insight into three important things your single season is calling you to do.
How to capitalize on your single season
1. Focus on yourself guilt-free – Think of everyone’s individual life as a movie. In each person’s movie, they are the main characters on their quest, and everyone else is supporting characters. Are you neglecting your lead role in your own film to support someone else’s? Often times our single season is calling us to put ourselves first. This especially goes for the nurturers by nature who over give. Your single season is the perfect time to unapologetically focus on you. This can look like diving into your career or passion, dating yourself as a practice of self-love, or making that giant leap you’ve always wanted to. When you are single, you have the privilege to be as selfish as you want to be. It is crucial to capitalize on that blessing. Your single season is your time to explore, try new things, fail, and start over without the responsibility of considering another individual (beyond your child for all my single parents out there). Your single season is calling you to pour into you and give you the space to grow without any restraints. Let your roots expand deeper, water yourself, and bloom during this time so you can attract the right mate further down the line.
2. Become whole and emotionally self-reliant – It is easy to fall into relying too heavily on exterior forces for our self-worth and emotional stability. While it is perfectly natural to crave acceptance and companionship, caring too much about others’ opinions and always looking for a security blanket in the form of another person can lead us down a dark road. When we based our self-worth on the validation of outsiders and build our self-esteem on top of fleeting things like the praise, we put our power in the outside world’s hands. This puts us at high risk of emotional instability and mental health issues down the line. Many of us who find ourselves always focused on finding a “partner in crime” have not yet learned emotional coping tools that allow you to be fully self-reliant. Your single season could be calling you to build confidence in our own abilities to overcome adversity and strengthen your faith in God. If you are recently single or have recently experienced a dating disappointment, it is important to remember that people are often removed from our lives as protection for both parties. Sometimes where the journey is taking you people you love cannot follow. Either they will become your collateral damage, or their weaknesses will be turned against. Regardless of the case, your single season is an opportunity to build self-reliance and practice emotional resilience. In the long run, this makes us experience a sense of wholeness and self-confidence, maintain emotional stability, and ultimately be a healthier partner when the time comes.
3. Work on insecurities, emotional deficiencies, & healing of your past wounds – We hear it all the time, “you can’t love anyone until you love yourself.” Well, technically, you can fall in love whenever because that is really just a chemical reaction that happens in our brain, but it is nearly impossible to give or receive healthy love in an unhealed state. Many of us are avoiding the work we have to do on ourselves. We jump from distraction to distraction running from the discomforts of growth. A wise woman once told me, “your partner is waiting at the finish line for you. They are on a parallel journey, and when you are whole, they will be waiting at the finish line for you whole too wonder what took you so long.” We cannot manifest the partners, friendships, or networks we wish to have without first doing the work to align ourselves with the energy of the blessing we want to receive. If we imagine a healthy, happy, loving relationship, we first have to be happy, healthy, and loving on our own. Otherwise, any love found will be short-lived as our romantic relationships always mirror our own energy state. In our single season, it is crucial to capitalize on the opportunity to heal uninterrupted. Healing our past relationship pains and letting go of emotional baggage ultimately serves us when eventually entering a new relationship. While perfection is not a prerequisite to receiving healthy love, the season of singledom is a critical time to work on oneself, providing us with the time and space we need to truly heal.