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Why Men Settle In Marriage

My thoughts on the age-old saying.

We have all heard the phrase “men settle in marriage” but I would argue that statement is inaccurate. The truth is men date in a logical fashion and chooses women based on compatibility and the satisfaction of their core needs. They don’t have the pressures of the biological clock ticking so men don’t generally rush for the sake of being married the way many women do. While most men lose their first love or the “love of their life” due to immaturity and lack of preparation, but they need this to grow and this doesn’t mean they settled for their wives. Men marry a woman who is compatible and makes the most logical long-term sense to them when they are prepared to handle the responsibilities of a family.

Why Men Settle In Marriage

It is not settling if all your core needs are being met. Men simply tend to have a less complex list of needs than women. This allows mature men more options for marriage because they tend to have a shorter and more reasonable list of non-negotiables than their female counterparts.

The disconnect between the woman’s perspective of men settling and men feeling as though they are choosing logical partners at the right time lies in women not understanding what satisfies most men.

Men are simplistic creatures. For the most part, they want loyalty, care, respect, and some autonomy. They want to feel supported and appreciated, they want to feel emotionally secure just like you do. Most “good” men are looking for nurture in a partner. They want to know that they and their future offspring will be well cared for and loved.

Women care about degrees, achievements, social status, looks, etc. because we look for indicators of stability and protection. We are arguable far more concerned with matters of the flesh in dating because we bear the physical responsibilities of children. There is nothing wrong with women valuing these things but it is important to note the difference in the mating motivators for men and women.

Looks, accomplishments, and all otherworldly things are extremely negotiable with most men as they recognize these things are not core needs for them. Men are generally relatively unconcerned with your ability to provide for them as long as you are not a hindrance to their ability to provide. If he is in his masculine energy all the time the balance he needs lies in your feminine.

Women perceive men as settling in marriage because they are programmed to compete with other women. Subconsciously grading ourselves against other women. We tally up the ways we feel we (or our friends) are the best based on our womanly rubric. We think of what we want out of our romantic partnerships and think “I can also provide those things so I am THE catch.” So when we see men getting married to women we feel we are so much better than and we think “HER?!”. We nitpick her flaws “but she’s not that educated? But look at her body? She’s not even that pretty, his ex was way prettier.” The truth is this is just jealously presenting itself.

The truth is men don't settle, they just make a choice once the time comes. If we take the advice of Mother Badu and listen to our partners we can begin to understand what they truly need. This is key to a healthy relationship of any kind.

1 Comment

Looks are negotiable based on what a man can attract. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want the most beautiful woman in the room, he just can’t necessarily attract her. This does lead many men to settle. Men are wired to be attracted to beauty. It also doesn’t mean a man won’t fall inlove with a less beautiful woman when she’s still attractive but also has other qualities that are incredibly superior. George & Amal Clooney are an excellent example. Amal is beautiful, but George could’ve got any woman he wanted because he’s famous and successful. Amal seems like an incredible person. George fell inlove with who she was. Thats a man who doesn’t settle because he has options.

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